Compassionate Love, Kindness, Life, Light, Love, Self-discovery, Spirit, Truth, Uncategorized

Learning to love

How do we learn to love if we have never felt loved? How do we learn to be kind if we have never felt kind acts towards us? How do we accept others and ourselves if we have never felt accepted? So many questions we could ask ourselves. Where to start?

Recently I earnestly had to consciously practice kindness. I was living in what could only be described as a half-way house while I looked for somewhere to settle. The place was an old, hardly renovated hotel that had been made into budget accommodation.

As with the era of the times in which it was built, there was only one layer of thin wood between rooms. So any noise from a TV, fan, fridge or even conversation was heard in adjoining rooms or down wooden, echoing halls.

Most of those in the place seemed to be on Disability pensions, although they all seemed to have stereo systems, the latest digital TV’s and plenty of booze and cigarettes. Bad backs, drug abuse, alcoholism and mental problems seemed to be the main visible challenges, while for the younger on unemployment benefits, they seemed to have depression, no skills, no enthusiasm, recent stints in correctional facilities, or drugs and alcohol seemed to be part of their way.

The language was just horrible to my mature-aged, dignified ears. I hadn’t heard so many swear words in one sentence since I was a Police officer more than 30 years before. I didn’t like it then and didn’t like it now, even though I have been one who could certainly pull out any word in anger in my day.

Just by showering, walking, ironing my clothes, having a selection of clothes to wear, not smoking and not being drunk from 10am in the morning seemed, in itself, to alienate me from them. I was certainly different.

I kept my voice quiet even when they tried to push me to react. I kept my spaces clean. I washed up the dishes in the sink without grumbling. I did what I could to keep my own peace.

If I had more food than I needed I would give it away, but that still didn’t stop someone from stealing my food if I made the mistake of buying something ahead for the next day. I learned fast.

Eventually a padlock was put on the women’s fridge but there was only one key which used to play hide and seek because of the mental state of my next-door neighbour.

I had to lock my cupboard with a padlock to keep safe such things as sugar, tea bags, biscuits, herbs etc that one needs to use. That didn’t stop someone from jemmying the top off one night and helping themselves to whatever they could reach with their arms in the hole they made. I then put everything on the bottom shelf in case it was done again after it was fixed.

I stayed out as much as I could, began volunteer work while I looked for employment and used the swimming pool in the morning so I wouldn’t have to use the disgustingly filthy bathroom. And I was thankful for house-sitting assignments from my sister and friends which got me out of the place, out of my neighbour’s hair, and put me into some peacefulness away from the chaos.

I had to keep changing my attitudes. It was a daily conscious effort to find my own peace and to change my attitudes and opinions about the people I was surrounded by. One lady kept calling me dog-faced and when drunk, she would scream it off the balcony whenever I politely asked her if she could please turn her very loud television down before or after the noise curfews.

Years ago I might have slapped her or punched her. What was my reaction now? I decided that as she spoke like that about everyone and every second word was F or C then she was expressing how much she loved me and when she was screaming her description of me over the balcony then she was telling the world how much she loved me. I grew to smile when I heard it.

The less I was affected by this the more she seemed to want to do this.

I did tell the manager about it eventually and he told the woman that as I was a lady he would appreciate it if she would stop calling me such dreadful names and if she didn’t he would personally throw her down the stairs and all her stuff would follow her. She stopped. But then started to do other things to try and get me annoyed (like hide the fridge key!).

Being angry and screaming at each other seemed to be the only way by which most of the in-mates communicated with each other. So I just kept practicing kindness.

In the end I figured it was like trying to befriend a feral dog. Give it bone and it wouldn’t want it but would be tempted anyway. It might eventually snatch it away from you and go hide it, but would come back and bark and snarl just to show you who was boss. If one continues to offer a bone and just allow it to trust then perhaps it might not be necessarily tamed, but at least wouldn’t bare the fangs.

So that was my plan. Just be kind.

After two months of practising kindness I found a lovely little unit to move into. Perhaps to show me that karma does indeed work, the real estate property manager showing me the place noted my address and said, with a look of horror on her face, No. You don’t live there. Surely you don’t live there.

I said, Yes, I do. And am very keen not to live there any more.

She said, You poor thing. You don’t belong there.

I said, Tell me about it.

So she did.

Apparently she used to be the one who would have to take rents from some of the lodgers. The one in the room next to me who used to cause me no end of problems with his noise, swearing, cursing, punching the wall threatening to punch my face, electric fan noise, TV, fish tank noise (yep, all through paper-thin walls could be heard), apparently threatened to knock her head off her shoulders because one day he didn’t have enough money in his account to pay the rent. And apparently it was her fault according to him.

Anyhow, because of all this I think it helped me to find this lovely little haven of peace and quiet and security in which I have had time to find more of myself and deeply question my life.

As I looked at the concept of kindness and just being kind when I came across someone that I would have otherwise judged as being difficult, I began to find more empathy for them.

As I became kinder to myself I was able to look more deeply into my own life. I didn’t need to understand what someone else was actually going through, but through understanding my own life, I began to find a place of understanding for others in the way of just seeing they perhaps needed kindness and were going through a difficult time.

It wasn’t my place to judge them, or tell them to do anything differently. Because I had no idea of their story. And it was none of my business unless they wanted to tell me.

What was my business was just to be kind and compassionate.

The more I began to feel kindly towards others, I also understood or felt that when I was young and growing up, I don’t ever remember any act of kindness being done in my family. I have searched my memories and have found no time that I can isolate where I might think, Oh, that was kindness.

So how does one practice something they don’t think they have learned?

It is a question I have asked myself about love, and about compassion, and about acceptance. Because I don’t ever feel that I have learned these things from example in my family unit.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying it wasn’t there. Perhaps in those times of peace was when I felt loved, accepted and connected and so I don’t remember it. Do we only remember what causes chaos or disharmony?

But what I am saying is that I don’t feel I ever felt it. Perhaps it was there and I didn’t identify with it because I was so busy feeling unaccepted, unloved and disconnected from everyone.

These days my daily mantra when I wake up is Let me love as I am loved And I mean loved by God. Not necessarily loved by another human because that comes in all shapes and sizes and expression and is dependent up it staying.

What I mean is the fully conscious, unconditional love that I believe is our core and base and Source of All That Is.

And that is never-ending.

I touched it once and it changed my life.

And it is a carrot to which I reach and strive.

For a start, just being kind to myself and changing my self-talk to be positive and not the negative, put-down that I have done for so long, has made a difference to how I see myself.

And as I have begun to respect myself and my journey the triumphs and the losses, the happiness and sadness, the anger and generosity, the love and the non-love ALL that I am the more my journey seems to bring respect.

As I am being kind, so too I am finding more kindness around me.

As I am accepting myself so too I am accepting of others and I am feeling more accepted and valued from external sources.

As I am consciously practising love through compassion and kindness, so I am feeling more loved and understood.

The mirror is working.

Do I get it right all the time?

No, but my goodness I am closer now than I ever was, and life is so much easier because I took the leap to change myself, change my thoughts, change my attitudes, to ask for help and to commit to the intention of higher conscious living.

It isn’t easy. But then, I believe, nothing that is valuable comes without an exchange of energy in some form.

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Compassionate Love, Life, Light, Self-discovery, Soul, Spirit, Truth, Uncategorized

The Truth from our Soul

The Mind and Body are but tools for the Soul to express its Truths. And if we don’t listen to it then I believe our “tools” will not function as well as they could.
In 1992 when my marriage crumbled into dust I sought answers through having a regression therapy session as all I could think of was that my husband and I had perhaps done this (leaving and betraying) to each other in past lives and the cycle had to be stopped. It was a thought that wouldn’t leave me and led me to the life-changing session.
In that session I went into the “Light”. That is the only word I can use to describe it, and words can never adequately describe the “All” that I felt in that state. To say I felt loved, and light, and safe, and okay are just small words. I was a part of something so vast and unending it changed me – in ways I cannot even begin to describe either. I felt that I was all there ever had been, all there ever will be and all there is. My little mind is still trying to come to terms with the limitlessness that I felt.
I also knew that I knew everything but knew nothing. I felt and “knew” on some level during that experience that I had created my life and all the experiences, the pains, the joys, the sadnesses, the challenges, the teachings, the happy times and the people around me.
On some level I kept thinking that I had given my ex-husband “permission” to abandon me in such a way that I would lose house, business, cars, every penny I had and everything else I valued. That I would feel betrayed, unloved and unloveable, abandoned, unable to trust and feeling a total failure. That I would flounder in debt and doubt for 20 years.  And I also “knew” that it was because he loved me so much (in Soul terms) that in these painful lessons were the answers to help me understand and to move closer to the full meaning of Love. I knew that the deepest pain gives us the deepest opportunity to heal. And every healing experience allows us to move closer to loving ourself, to feeling compassion for others and to move to greater depths of understanding through forgiveness and wisdom.
I KNEW all this. It has taken me more than 20 years to feel that my head is finally getting around it all. And I am putting into words, as I can, the Truth of the Soul – which is connected to the limitless vastness of All That Is.
The truth of the experience for me is my carrot. It is my lantern that keeps me going and shines up the path through difficulties and challenges that I can walk with a happy heart, a smile and with courage. It helps me to “swim against the tide” and do what is “right” not necessarily what everyone else does. That lantern helps me to go past the idea of ego’s pain and suffering and to see the blessing, the gift and the value of pain as a means to heal.
And it helps me to see that those who hurt us the most, in Soul terms, actually LOVE us the most. Because in that pain we have the chance to find out what the deeper meaning of Compassionate Love for humanity is all about.
I have touched the Truth in my Soul and want more.

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The dream of today is the Blueprint for tomorrow

Today as my web-site for my book is launched, I sit here actually with tears in my eyes. They seem to be tears of joy and are quite surprising. Why didn’t they come the day I held my book in my hands and actually knew that I had finally written a book? Funny how we react to things that we create isn’t it?

I have been saying for a long time that the dreams of today are the blueprints for tomorrow. It came to me during a meditation years ago when I was pondering about life and just knew that it was “right.” On some level I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we create our lives. And I do not say this lightly as I do realise just how hard that is to live by, to understand and to take responsibility for.

It is easy to say that we have created all our happy stuff, but equally it is easier to blame someone else for creating all the unhappy stuff.

So are you asking yourself “Do you mean I have created all this heartache? Have I created all this crap in my life?” Well, sorry, but yes. Finally after going through all my own garbage for years of heartaches, abandonments, rejections, despair, suicidal thoughts, challenges by the truckloads, and other things – I have come to the conclusion that, yes, we do actually have a hand in what we bring into our lives. By our fears, by our thoughts, by our patterns, by our expectations, and by the unconscious injunctions we have given ourselves from when we were born (and maybe even before).

Recently, I had another challenge, but instead of fighting it, I just said to myself “Well, if I have created this, then I have also created a solution so I shall just wait for it to come.” I didn’t worry, fret, fear or get anxious. I just waited. And guess what, the solution rolled in gently in a surprising and miraculous way. It has made my life so much easier when I just let go of my need to fight it and not want it. Saying “yes” is a good way to begin the process.

Have I lost you? Okay, getting back to the original theme about dreams being our blueprints I have one thing to say that makes me absolutely sure about this. The very fact that I have written a book and have been dreaming about doing it since I was 5 years old tells me it is so. It took a while – but guess what? I have realised as I remember my dreams, my prayers and my thoughts, that I always get exactly what I ask for. Maybe not how I thought it might come, or maybe not when I wanted it. But it does come in one shape or another……. And has helped me to see the gift and blessing in every challenge that I have created….. Enjoy your journey Dear Ones.

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Loving kindness Meditation

Sit comfortably and relax into a gentle pose. Think of your fingers relaxing, the muscles in your neck relaxing, breathe gently as you feel tensions leave your body.

As you relax think of a moment when you felt loving kindness. It may have been a time when you helped someone just for the sake of helping, it may be a time when you held a little baby in your arms, or a time spent with a little animal. Find that moment and feel it as deeply as you can and imagine the feeling of loving kindness anchored in your heart.

As the feeling deepens with each breath, imagine this feeling of loving kindness shining out of your heart to a place in front of you, creating a pink column of loving light. (If a group, then in the centre of the circle). Be in the moment as you create this column of loving light.

Think of someone you admire. The first person you think of is usually the image you need. It might be someone you know, or it might be someone you don’t know, or it might even be a figure of history. As vividly as you can, see the face of that person in the column of loving light. As you think of this person, think too of the qualities that you see in this person that you admire. What are those qualities?

As you think of those qualities, think too that you have these same qualities in you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see these qualities. The person you have chosen is a mirror. Look to them and see the shared qualities and bring that understanding back into your heart while you vividly see them in the light.

As you look into their eyes, see also that this person is similar to you. They have their trials and tribulations, they have fears and feelings about life, they have their moments when they are unsure of their place in the world, they have their moments of strength, their moments of vulnerability, their moments of pain and sorrow, grief and broken dreams, as well as their moments of joy and love and hope. As you look into their face and realise they are just like you – trying to find their way in this world – know they are also your teacher. Thank them, wish them well and imagine them gently being absorbed into the pink light.

Feel loving kindness in your heart and again connect that feeling with the column of loving light and breathe the light for a moment of gentleness.

Now think of someone that you know that you are having problems with, someone that you may not like or you stay away from. The first image is usually the one you need to connect with. See that person as vividly in the light as you can. See them in the column of loving light. What are the qualities of that person that rub you up the wrong way or distress you. Name them to yourself. Then as you name those qualities, know that this person is a mirror of you and a teacher. The qualities you name are qualities you have.

Look into their eyes and see them as someone who is just like you – trying to make sense of the world. They are someone who has pain and suffering, they too have their obstacles and tribulations, and fears. They have dreams which may not happen, aspirations, joys and loves. They too have moments where they have no idea what is going on, or how to go ahead. They have their reasons for being as they are and if they could be different then they would be. Feel your loving kindness towards them to help them. Thank them for being in your life and showing you what you need to see. Thank them for being a teacher. Wish them well on their journey and allow them to dissolve into the column of light.

Feel your connection to loving kindness again and strengthen the bond of your heart and column connection. Take a few gentle deep breaths as you strengthen that connection.

Now think of someone who may be ill or who needs loving kindness right now. Imagine them in the light and send them healing and love and your loving thoughts. Just take a moment to see them as clearly as you can in the column of light. And allow them to gently dissolve into that column.

As you look at the column of light, imagine it slowly beginning to revolve and grow. And as it grows it begins to take in all around you, the room in which you sit, the house, the city, the state, the country and going out into the world. See the light of loving kindness surrounding the world and going out to all living beings and entities.

Sit and quietly imagine this light shining and helping everyone. Then when ready just bring yourself back to this room. Feel the seat beneath you, feel your body, feel the breath in your lungs. When ready, take a few deep breaths and gently open your eyes.

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Connecting with higher self

Sit comfortably in an area where you will not be disturbed by others or outside influences. Ensure your back is straight but not rigid and that you are comfortable in your pose. Close your eyes. Breathe gently and feel the chest expansions and contractions. If your mind wanders, just come back to feeling your breath.

Create a thought of willingness to connect with your Higher Self. Make an intention to listen and connect with that part of you which is all-knowing and connected to the Divine Principle of Life. Once you have made that intention, again sit quietly and breathe gently.

Imagine a stair case going down. Observe the stairs and what those steps are made from. Be as descriptive as you can to bring your focus to those stairs. There is a railing as well. What colour is it? What is it made of? Can you imagine feeling that railing? Again, focus your attention on the stairs and the railing, and imagine you are standing at the top step and feeling the railing.

You feel safe. And you want to descend. Imagine as vivdly as you can going down step by step. And with each step you feel more relaxed, more comfortable, more removed from your day to day life. Imagine just quietly and slowly descending. Feeling more and more relaxed with each step. Take your time. Enjoy the feeling of gentleness and relaxation which grows with each step down the stair case.

When you reach the bottom of the stair case, you will see a hallway. There are several doors in that hallway. Imagine the colour of the doors, and what they are made of. You will see one that says Highest Self. This is the door you have been wanting to find. Focus on the door. What colour is it? What is it made of? Where is the door knob? Imagine reaching out and taking hold of that door knob. What does it feel like? Be as descriptive as possible.

When you feel comfortable, open the door and enter into what is a beautiful, warm golden mist. * Remember your intention of willingness to listen to your Highest Self and go on the journey that is yours alone. Listen to the voice that comes, feel its tone, and love. Feel the strength. Feel the difference of this voice against any other voices that you sometimes hear.

When you have finished with your meeting, imagine entering the gold mist again, and finding your way to the door. Pass through the door into the hallway, being mindful of how you feel and what you sense. You see the stair case and move to it. You put your hand on the railing and feel it. Does it feel more real? Do you feel more sensitive? Is your description more vivid? What do you sense as you take the first step up the stair case?

You move gently up the stairs, feeling alive, strong, healthy and excited about your path ahead. You know you can connect with your Highest Self whenever you wish. You know you will hear the difference now of the voice you normally have in your head, and the voice of your Highest Self.

You know that you can have guidance for every part of your journey whenever you wish. With each step up the stair case, you still feel relaxed, however, you are feeling more awake with each upward movement.

When you reach the top of the stair case, take a deep gentle breath, and imagine yourself sitting comfortably again. You feel the seat underneath you, you feel your fingers and toes, and may even wiggle them as you feel your body. Feel your breath, touch your teeth with your tongue, feel the heaviness of your physical form, and in our own time, open your eyes.

* Sometimes when one opens the door, it is not to a golden mist, but can be waterfalls, forests, flower gardens, beds. Your Highest Self will actually lead you to a comfortable, safe place. Let your imagination take you where ever it is that you need to be. And enjoy the experience.

There will come a time when you will hear the voice of your Highest Self without needing to sit and connect in meditation. The more you listen to it, the louder it becomes. The choice will always be yours whether you heed the advice of the voice or the voice of ego. All choices are correct Just some choices lead us to a place with less struggle.

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